❝
There is a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasnt because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don’t have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever …

— Meredith Grey (via claire-goes-here)

five hours later and i’m still watching grey’s anatomy omg why is my heart so hooked on this show

5/28/2012

breakfast: oatmeal w/ coconut, cashew butter, sugar free syrup

lunch: slice of pizza, french fries, popcorn

dinner: pita w/ black bean hummus, orange, green tea

snacks: justin’s chocolate hazelnut butter, entire pint of ben and jerry’s froyo

trying not to feel bad about this as my intake has been 1/3 of this the past three days and one day of eating at maintenance is not going to kill me.

i am not fat i am not fat i am not fat i am not fat i am not fat i am not fat 

lesson learned this week

heat makes me lose my appetite.
maybe i should move to florida?

Reblog
perfect on a hottttt summer day. (Taken with instagram)

perfect on a hottttt summer day. (Taken with instagram)

unpopular confession:
i like having an eating disorder sometimes because it gives me something to blame my problems on. excuse my bad days, explain why things don’t go right, give people around me a reason to think i’m interesting. there is no life for me if i’m not trying to fix something - i don’t need new friends, i have wonderful ones already. i don’t need to work harder, i work hard enough. i don’t understand the meaning of being ‘good enough’ or not consistently hating myself for something. not consistently worrying about something. my life is empty and as much as i hate to use the word, mundane, if i just accept everything at status quo. but i’m sick of this life. this kind of life has a name- it’s called perfectionism and i’m sick of playing it’s game of chasing happiness when i can’t even appreciate what i’ve worked for.

so much

  • therapy today was the best idea i’ve had in a long time.
  • weekly weigh ins from now on. please call me on it if i talk about weighing myself on a day other than wednesday. please. i refuse to be a slave to that stupid scale.
  • i’m a fucking recovering bulimic. my metabolism’s shot. of course i’m not going to lose weight like normal people.
  • i need to be easier on myself.
  • froyo rocks.
  • i like sundresses.
  • sleeping > partying. always. 
  • there was a cute guy at the froyo place i was at in front of therapy which is in the suburbs. i was hardcore creepin’ but then he smiled and realized he had braces………….which probably meant he was still in high school. awksauce.
  • but is sleeping REALLY > partying? tell me, people of tumblr. should i go out tonight?
  • this week: a job interview, an exam, a project due, then next week is finals. four finals. WOOOO. hence why im thinking sleeping > partying.
  • god i’m tired.
  • cream cheese sushi rocks.
  • today has been a good day.

Reblog
choose one, tumblr. me or exploring neuroscience??? one of us isn’t making it out aliveeee

choose one, tumblr.

me or exploring neuroscience???

one of us isn’t making it out aliveeee

Reblog
subway for breakfast and studying at 8 am on a saturday? alright then.. (Taken with instagram)

subway for breakfast and studying at 8 am on a saturday? alright then.. (Taken with instagram)

Reblog
greetings from columbus at 7:30 am, where it’s currently already 89 degrees. if i don’t melt today, i have therapy and a crapton of homework to do. hope your saturday is more exciting than mine. (Taken with instagram)

greetings from columbus at 7:30 am, where it’s currently already 89 degrees. if i don’t melt today, i have therapy and a crapton of homework to do. hope your saturday is more exciting than mine. (Taken with instagram)

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